yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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