I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
