we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
tell me about the eggs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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