sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
