She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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