His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
