Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
