Do you still have your period?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
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i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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