Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
