I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
