Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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