Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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