his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
