captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
i believe in u and ur pee
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
