you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Dicks are not precious.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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