i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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