Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
