last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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