How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
