I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
