why didn't you poke me back
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
