A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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