theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize