I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
