Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
