goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
