wat bout pragnant strippers??
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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