At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
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