she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
