bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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