the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
