I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
