I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
