I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
