I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
