My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
