the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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