Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
