so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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