Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
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Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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