"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
