he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
