it hurts more in the daytime
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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