pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
