who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
