True but thats because hes a fetus.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
