I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
