Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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