Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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