community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
