I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
