Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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