So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
