Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
