They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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