And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
