Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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