You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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