Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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