She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
