I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
