Sponge bath it is.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
