I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
