Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
