How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
