You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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