I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
