hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Two words: blizzard sex
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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