You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
