he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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