hotel room ftw
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just cropdusted the office
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize