did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
