i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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