I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
