Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
