Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
