Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
