I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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