I could have mohawked her pubes.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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