I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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